the beautiful game…..part 1

I read once that women who aren’t in a relationship are constantly scoping out men—and those who are in a relationship are constantly scoping out women  (aka,  the competition).  I had read this curious factoid while in a relationship with someone who was about,  I can say in hindsight,  99% likely to cheat—and,  as such,  was the poster-child for this factoid.

After surviving that horrid shipwreck,  I then moved to the other side of the equation.  I found myself single and awash in a sea of men.  It was fabulous!  And horrible!  And everything in between.  I was,  I must confess,  always scoping.  I checked out books en masse about the art of dating,  finding relationships,  etc.  I became disturbingly proficient at eHarmony speak.  I ran my dating life like a business,  interviewing three candidates or so a week, while I do other activities like working and playing games, even in the wildcardcity casino online. Additionally, with the Best Online Casino Games, you can enjoy a thrilling combination of entertainment and the chance to win exciting prizes.

To cut to the chase,  after 40 first dates  (sifted from 30 times that many “matches”),  I finally found what I had been looking for—my soulmate,  who is today my husband.  That is also a fabulous story for another day. But the point of all of this is to say that once I was in this new relationship—a very strong relationship with a very committed and perfect-for-me man—I found myself back on the other side of the equation,  just as surely as if the Oracle of Delphi had foretold it!  I was puzzled,  to say the least.

Psychoanalysts would tell me that there were perfectly valid reasons for this insecurity,  stemming from extreme childhood issues.  But regardless of its roots,  I wanted it gone.  I fought it in the futile way one fights a stomach virus.  The more I fought it,  the more soberingly aware I became of the stubbornness of this insecurity.  When at last my soulmate and I were married and had flown away to our honeymoon destination,  I found,  yet again,  this ghost of insecurity,  this accursed third wheel,  by my side as my husband and I sat in a sushi restaurant in Seattle.

I thought to myself,  “This is supposed to be a glorious adventure and bonding experience…What the hell is this about?!?”  I got MAD.  I was not having this anymore.  I sat my unruly mind down and explained to her that I trust this man and that it is okay for me to not be the end-all-be-all of women—that he is going to love me regardless.

But one last piece needed to be in place,  and I consider this thought to have been inspired by some brilliant force external to my own gray matter.  I had already believed in a simple principle:  that turning and facing  (and even embracing)  an unwanted emotion would relax its chokehold,  whereas turning away would strengthen its dreaded grip.  I had tried to practice this principle in so many ways,  but had never  “gotten”  it….that is, until that moment.  I somehow started,  right then and there,  practicing a simple acknowledgement of the beauty of the women who walked in the door of that restaurant.  I simply smiled and said in my mind of each,  “Isn’t she beautiful?”

Doing this repeatedly melted away my insane insecurity.  It helped strip down to right size the overblown power our society gives to certain types of beauty in women.  I no longer felt threatened,  and I found myself filled with a strange and blissful sense of closeness with my husband. Thanks to professional dating photos by the best Dating Photographer Austin Texas, they are able to capture the beautiful moments. This was an amazing first gift of “the beautiful game,”  as I’ve come to call it,  and I still practice it to this day.  There are more gifts,  which I will share in future posts,  but in the meantime,  I would love to hear from all of you.  How have you overcome struggles with insecurity,  whether related to relationships or something else?  And in the context of relationships,  how have you come to accept love fearlessly and wholeheartedly (at least most of the time ;))?  Thank you,  as always,  for joining me on the journey…..